Simply the best

First of all, I have to say that having a good audition is a good feeling.

Having a great one, however, is like a natural high: uncontrollable smile, lightness in your step, the occasional "yes!" elbow/arm pump gesture.  Not outwards, but inwards towards myself.  Exciting, warm, almost incoherent to the outside world.

That happened to me yesterday.

I realized recently I've been, dare I say it, afraid to take risks.  For a silly fear of feeling vulnerable.  Sometimes I find myself wondering about why I do this, and recollecting that it's because I want to tell a story, and I want people to remember that they are not alone.  I've felt like I've had a wall up.  Not just towards my career, but also what I watched.

It is time to say good-bye to that.  Because honestly yesterday I had a good audition, then I had a GREAT audition.

So, I went in for a local theater company and when I was towards the end of the side I knew the exact moment that I started to push, and they knew it too.  But I was given some really great direction, it was playable, you know?  After I got their direction, I took a moment.  In that moment something allowed me to relax and just DO the scene.

There's a quote from the movie American Beauty that goes: "It's a great thing when you realize you still have the ability to surprise yourself."  During that read I really felt the emotions, for the first time in a long time, and it was exhilarating.  Dare I say, that was a good audition.

After that, I transported myself to another local theater company to sing and maybe read some sides.  Feeling really good about the other audition I strapped on my heels, tossed on some blush, and looked over my lyrics.  The elderly man who was wise-cracking the whole time (it was adorable....and comforting) was impressed by how early I was.  He took me upstairs and I saw the two people in there and I remember in my head saying "I'm going to nail this".  With that confidence I had one of the best auditions of my life.  I don't want to go into too much detail, but they seemed surprised and pleased.

Not knowing whether or not it will come through is difficult about having knock-out auditions.  They could have seen someone much more suited for the role before me, or I may not have been what they were looking for in this particular show.  What I do know is that they will remember me, especially after I send them a "Thank You" in the mail.  All I can do at this point is use that connection to the best of my ability.

Love and all that jazz,
-Cindy

Going in with everything and leaving with nothing...

So yesterday I had an audition at Act II Playhouse in Ambler for their musical My Fair Lady.
The audition went so well.  I went in with a song and a monologue that I knew really well, and the dance combo was easy as pie.  The director and I had a lovely rapport.

Me: I'll be singing "Home" from The Wiz
Accompanist: I love that song
Me: Me too!
Director: I love it too.  But I should say that in this case I'll only love it if it's good.  So I hope it's good.
Me: ...me too?
*SING*
Director:...That was just lovely.
Me: (inside) yayyayayayay

But I've had SO many auditions where this was the case.  I'm sure we all have.  We slayed it, in the bank, no sweat.  Then we get the rejection email...or we don't.

It's that in between phase that can be so uncomfortable.  Sometimes you wonder "should I email/send a postcard to the director/casting director?"  Or your friends, (who you KNOW auditioned as well), you surreptitiously ask them if they heard or if they know anything.  You begin to question your talent, your training, your connections.  You pick apart the audition.  You become certain they found someone not nearly as good as you.  Then you know they found someone better.  I could have done this differently or I should have taken their direction further or I should have just relied on my instincts...didn't I learn ANYTHING from viewpoints!?

I don't know if I'm more "hurt" by the rejection email or the nonexistent one.  I have found that through emailing the director, I've gotten a response to my audition and even sometimes feedback (which I always appreciate).  What I do feel proud of is knowing that my best effort was put out there and usually the director remembers who I am, even if I'm totally wrong for the part.

Usually I find the best way to handle that in between phase is to accept that you probably didn't get it and move on.  I have also found that this can be incredibly difficult, especially if you really fell in love with the part and it's a great opportunity.  But usually you don't land it and you have to pull up your bootstraps and search for another audition to distract yourself.

That's why I love NYC auditions.  NYC auditions make you really feel like your searching for new opportunities, even if you know you're totally wrong for the part.  You never know...

So who knows about Act II, I have no idea what their timeline for casting was, or if they are having more auditions, or if they've already selected and called their ensemble.  What I do know is that I had a great audition, and if I didn't get it, there really are a million other opportunities, you just have to look for them.