Going in with everything and leaving with nothing...

So yesterday I had an audition at Act II Playhouse in Ambler for their musical My Fair Lady.
The audition went so well.  I went in with a song and a monologue that I knew really well, and the dance combo was easy as pie.  The director and I had a lovely rapport.

Me: I'll be singing "Home" from The Wiz
Accompanist: I love that song
Me: Me too!
Director: I love it too.  But I should say that in this case I'll only love it if it's good.  So I hope it's good.
Me: ...me too?
*SING*
Director:...That was just lovely.
Me: (inside) yayyayayayay

But I've had SO many auditions where this was the case.  I'm sure we all have.  We slayed it, in the bank, no sweat.  Then we get the rejection email...or we don't.

It's that in between phase that can be so uncomfortable.  Sometimes you wonder "should I email/send a postcard to the director/casting director?"  Or your friends, (who you KNOW auditioned as well), you surreptitiously ask them if they heard or if they know anything.  You begin to question your talent, your training, your connections.  You pick apart the audition.  You become certain they found someone not nearly as good as you.  Then you know they found someone better.  I could have done this differently or I should have taken their direction further or I should have just relied on my instincts...didn't I learn ANYTHING from viewpoints!?

I don't know if I'm more "hurt" by the rejection email or the nonexistent one.  I have found that through emailing the director, I've gotten a response to my audition and even sometimes feedback (which I always appreciate).  What I do feel proud of is knowing that my best effort was put out there and usually the director remembers who I am, even if I'm totally wrong for the part.

Usually I find the best way to handle that in between phase is to accept that you probably didn't get it and move on.  I have also found that this can be incredibly difficult, especially if you really fell in love with the part and it's a great opportunity.  But usually you don't land it and you have to pull up your bootstraps and search for another audition to distract yourself.

That's why I love NYC auditions.  NYC auditions make you really feel like your searching for new opportunities, even if you know you're totally wrong for the part.  You never know...

So who knows about Act II, I have no idea what their timeline for casting was, or if they are having more auditions, or if they've already selected and called their ensemble.  What I do know is that I had a great audition, and if I didn't get it, there really are a million other opportunities, you just have to look for them.