A Life Boat...

Something incredible happened to me yesterday.  For the first time in my life, opportunities were clearly and concisely laid out for me.  Let me explain.

I went to an intensive voice over class in NYC with PDR Voice Coaching.  Peter Rofé, who is the top voice over coach in New York, is an excellent teacher.  With 30 years of experience behind him I learned about etiquette, how to better my read, make strong choices and then make those choices stronger.  He coached me through 3 different types of reads and I also got to see other people in the class work.  

People in the class were from all over the place.  Three guys with low gravelly voices, a woman from London, a man from Ireland, a young musical theatre actor who loves to do voices, a man of Chinese decent born and raised in Italy, an insurance lawyer, a man from Romania, a set designer, a sales man.

What impressed me was that everyone in the class was actually really good.  Peter did assessments with people before accepting them into the class, so the day was productive and safe for us to make mistakes.  He also was brilliant at picking copy for us.  I mean dead on.

Also what impressed me about Peter is that he doesn't blab about his achievements in a condescending fashion.  Rather, he talks about his successes and failures, and encourages his students to realize that they can do it too.  He said "If it wasn't hard then everyone would do it", but Peter presented us with the tools to actually do it.  He has a group of clients that work.  Really work.  He works, his employees work, they have a state-of-the-art facility, and if you save up the money and invest in your career, then my God you can do it too.  And that money is made back ten-fold.  It's a business investment, the same as any other.

He didn't seem interested in tooting his own horn.  The work totally spoke for itself.  His coaching spoke for itself.  He didn't need to tell me he was the best.  I just knew it from the caliber of work and dedication he put in.  His studio manager, Rick, and his sound engineer, Matt, were also there the whole time and giving advice and helping throughout the day.  Three really dedicated individuals.

Holy crap.  I can do it too.  I can actually do this.  I feel like, for the first time in years, I'm not swimming in a vast ocean.  It's like a life boat came by and saved me.  Guys I'm like kind of good at voice over work.  I take direction well, I read well, I make choices.  Peter encouraged me to make mistakes, and also recognize that while I have the chops and training, I also have more work to do.  It was exhilarating, scary, motivating.  It was a life changing day for me.  My life and career will never be the same.  

I can actually do this with my life.

2014.  It's my year.  I'm saving money, I'm working my ass off, I'm picking up shifts, I'm making a commercial demo with Peter Rofé, and I'm going to be a voice over talent.  And I may just break a glass ceiling or two.

-Cindy

Highs and Lows..

I just worked out and I feel amazing!

I met an agent last night who was "meh" towards me and I felt like crap.

I had a really great callback yesterday afternoon and I felt amazing!

I had to turn down a voice over job because I just so happened to not be in Philly and I felt like crap.

People, that's all within 24 hours.  24 HOURS.  There's a fine line to walk in this business and I haven't found it yet.  Be emotionally available in the room but face rejection constantly out of the room.  Be outgoing but don't be too outgoing.  Be mysterious so they'll want more but don't close you're self off too much. W.T.F.

It's mad aggravating, yo!  This cliff edge that gets walked on that, honestly, I don't know if anyone ever nails totally.  What I find most frustrating is the fact that it's a business of opinions.  Someone could LOVE my headshot but then the next person I meet could totally hate it and be confused by it.  But I'm working on it.  It's a work in progress and the more people I meet the more I realize that I'm getting there.

I'm getting there.  At least I'm somewhere.

One thing that I am appreciating about going in for more people is recognizing that most people just want to see a journey.  Most people seem thoroughly happy about the fact that I come in and I present them with a simple story and journey within the monologue.  I have that going for me.  At least I have that.

I don't know if I will ever be a perfect package.  I'm messy.  But what I can do better is go in more prepped and more ready than I ever have before.  I can change my life.  I have that power.

Cooking lunch/dinner then off to meet an associate casting director for Roundabout!  Tomorrow is a day of relaxation, reading, tuning in with myself, and revamping decisions.  Then Saturday is an ALL DAY VOICE OVER CLASS with the one and only Peter Rofe.  I am doing it, y'all.  I just want to meet some people and guess what?  I'm doing just that.

Off I go.

-Cindy

A Tribute To Reubs...

Last night we had a gathering of friends and Reuben's family to celebrate his life and be with one another on the night before the anniversary of his death.

1 year.  I cannot believe it's been 1 year.

It was an open forum for people to get up and try songs, jokes, whatever inspired them.  Ed and I decided to do a medley of Grandma's Hands into No Diggity.  I like to think that Reuben would have appreciated the mash-up.  He and I shared a strong love and connection to hip-hop music.  His brother told me that he could see Reuben up there with us.  I firmly believe that Reuben was there with all of us.

Sometimes I wonder if his soul is in mourning.  I wonder if perhaps his soul is angered by what happened.  I'm still angry.  Not at him, at the circumstance.  I think it must have been a mistake.  That it was supposed to be someone else and he accidentally got in the way.  And it wound up being him.  I wonder that sometimes.

It felt good to see his family, see everyone and hold each other, eat delicious food and commiserate.  Though at these types of things I never know what to say to anyone.  I stayed close to the corners of the room and I didn't really seek out conversation too much.  I drank a few glasses of wine and said my good-bye's earlier than I normally do.  I'm the type that likes to wait around and see what other people are doing.  I don't want to miss anything.  But I knew the right thing to do was go home, have some white wine, talk to my boyfriend, cry, and go to sleep.

So there is a part of me that wants so badly to keep his spirit alive.  Last February I did a very short piece inspired by him.  Now that I'm a bit more out of the haze I'm ready to tackle that feat again.  I'm interviewing people for a project temporarily titled "The Grief Venture" and I'm producing it for the 2014 SoLow Festival.  It won't be longer than 30 minutes, but this is an opportunity to produce my own work, write my own work, and be inspired and uplifted by those around me.  And if other people aren't interested in hiring me why not hire myself?  I'm just as good as they are.

That's my tribute.  A work in progress that I will take on and delve so deeply into that I cannot see what's on the other side.  I want to be steeped and terrified in this work.  I need to face it and I want the whole world to see it.  This is life, this is real, and it's hard.  But Reuben taught me one thing.  Follow your dreams.  You are worthy.  Follow your dreams.

This year, since Reuben died, I've taken more risks than I ever have in my life.  My life in many ways is coming together.  I've signed up for seminars and classes, I applied to grad school, we drove across the country, I submit to every audition I possibly can, I made a voice over demo, I made a singing demo, I'm in much better shape than I was a year ago, I eat better, I cook more, I sleep more, I don't drink as much, I take care of myself, I'm more on top of my work, I make bigger choices in auditions.  That's just this year, what will happen if I keep this up even more so this next year?

What's after SoLow Festival is up in the air.  One step at a time.  But I want this piece to be so good that it's impactful, and recognized.  Just like Reuben.

I learned last night that I actually still don't believe he's gone.  I had a fantasy in the middle of everything that he walked into the Christ Church Neighborhood House and we all held him.  I just cannot accept that we won't be seeing him here on earth anymore.  I don't know what will allow me to have closure, but maybe having this project will give me comfort.

There is a quote from Stephen King from The Stand: "No one can chart that blue and lonely section of hell.  You just...come out the other side"

I'm still in the blue section, but with everyone that is around me and supporting me, I'm not so lonely anymore.  And maybe I can work on being not so blue anymore.

Until next time

-Cindy