Live!

Yesterday evening, I deleted the Facebook app from my phone.  It's my first step towards trying to "re-find" myself.

When I was younger, I had so many interests.  I read and re-read books, plays.  I wrote poetry, I took time to draw and paint.  It may have been partial boredom, but I worked my butt off.

Then I went to college and I was focused on my acting work, but other things in my life took over too, not the best influences, I should say.  It's almost become like beginning to fight off demons.  One by one.

There are times that I wish the internet had never happened.  Or that I wish it wasn't nearly as advanced.  Too often I find myself glued to my computer to do every day tasks.  When I'm listening to music I put it on my computer.  When I'm watching TV I put it on my computer.  When I'm writing I do it on my computer.  When I'm reading I do it on my computer.  When I'm researching I do it on my computer.

Everything.  And I'm going to break my habit.

Last night before I came home I went to pick up Chinese food.  And while I was waiting, I sat.  And simply waited.  Didn't take out my smart phone.  I took the place in.  Because to me, that's what's real.  That's reality.  Life in a virtual sense doesn't completely make sense to me.  And I don't want to make complete sense of it.

After I got my Chinese food I went home and my neighbors were chilling outside.  My neighbors are all about 50, 60 years old.  They were drinking wine.  And they offered me some.  And I had some and connected with people I hadn't really connected with.  It was amazing.  We didn't talk about theatre, we talked about the neighborhood, the community events coming up, making good food, and working out. I stayed out there with them for the better part of an hour.  Then I got hungry and said my goodbyes.  But it was this incredible connection that happened.  And I don't know how open I would have been to it a few months ago.

I know this post doesn't have to do with theatre, but it has to do with me reconnecting with myself and my interests.  Finding time again to read, write, and be outside in the world.  Creating is something I have wanted to do and I haven't been doing it.  Why?

Because I believe the internet made me lazy.  It's easy to scan through Facebook all the time and feel really shitty about not doing anything.  Because it seems like everyone else is doing the thing you want to do.  So then what's the point?

What do I want to contribute to the world?  What do I want to remember about my life?  Certainly not sitting at my computer not doing anything.  That would be a disservice to myself.  I like myself too much to not allow myself to fall into that again.

So I'm creating and writing.  I'm doing the Sunday Best again with the Berserker Residents, I'm working on Luckiest Kid with White Pines, I'm beginning to pick up where I left off on my children's musical (that's right, complete with songs as well!), I'm going to read, I'm going to continue seeing theatre, I'm going to travel, and I'm going to love.  My life will be important.  To me and perhaps eventually to the world.  Or at least a small part of the world.

I'm off to Quig's to have fun with the Berserker Residents and also my dear friend's show The Playdaters.

Until next time.

-Cindy