The Long Wait...

Hey everyone!

I'm at a friend's house babysitting their kid (he's asleep) so I thought I'd take the time to update.

Well, what an audition season...or lack thereof.  It's been rough out there in the high tides of the Philly theatre scene.  And from what I understand, everyone is feeling the burn.

I decided enough was enough and I am going to find new monologues, slay them, and go to every EPA I can get my hands on.  There are several coming up in the next few weeks and I have the time to learn new stuff (which I so desperately need to) so I'm putting my nose to the grindstone and working it.

I did get called in for a show with a company here and I'm looking forward to the audition.  The character is unique and I think she'll be fun to work on for the audish.  The play has some cliff hangers too.  Hopefully things will work out with that.  I'll keep you updated.

One thing that I have to keep constantly saying to myself is that I am capable of doing these roles.  I've experienced a bit of a let down in my weight loss recently and I've been hard on myself for that.  But I really can only take it one day at a time, and find the time to somehow get myself moving every day, even if that means simply taking a walk for an hour.  The way I had lost the weight before was looking at my schedule every day and seeing how I could fit it in.

It's not just a change that will last for a few weeks or months, it has to be my habit, my life.  Just the same as trying to do something for my career every day.  I must admit I fell of the wagon, feeling let down is a drag.  But I'm clearing my head and just trying to say "Hey there world!  I'm Cindy, this is me, you can take it or leave it".

Sounds cliche.  It is.  But it's what I need to do to stay confident.  Even if it takes writing messages to myself in lipstick on the mirror, or keeping a journal.  Whatever it takes.  I will succeed in my own way.

That's something I would like to mention, actually.  Last night, as I was flipping through a book of Humana Festival plays from 2006, I fell across a picture of an acquaintance of mine, Keira, who is a fantastic actress; edgy, smart, funny, loud.  She's the real deal.  And she's only 4 years older than I.

I was excited to see Keira's photo in there, but then there was a pang of jealousy.  How did she wind up in the 2006 Humana Festival play book at age 24 and here I am almost 27 without a show on the horizon and no EMC credits?

I mustn't compare my life to anyone else's.  No one should.  In any capacity.  It just makes you feel like poo.

For example, I see this all the time at Gymboree.  Babies progress differently from each other.  I've had mom's cry to me because their 6 month old wasn't crawling yet.  Which to be honest is quite a feat for a 6 month old.  But it's true; there are babies at 6 months old crawling around and then several mothers with babies months older have children that are still immobile.

Why must we as humans always look at what needs improving?  Why can't we stand back and say "Look at what I've created.  I am so proud of what I've accomplished."?  I want to find that pride again.  I want to find that endurance and curiosity again.

Truth be told, I don't know when I'll hit my career "snap".  It may be next season, it may be 20 years from now.  It may never happen.  But I do believe that if I put positivity into the universe, sooner or later positivity will reflect back on me.  I truly believe that.

We always hear "life is short" and "carpe diem", and while those sentiments have their value, the theatre world is a world in which we wait.  We wait for auditions, we wait to hear (or not hear) back, we wait while we pay our dues, we wait we wait we wait.  There really is only so much you can do before you have to step back and allow things to follow their course.  You can't control the way a casting director sees you, or if your headshot fell into the right pile.  You just have to wait and see.  And I think there is something sacred in that.

What I have in my life right now, I wouldn't change for the world.  Sure, my career could be better, I could be wearing a size 6.  But when I drop all that I see a beautiful boyfriend, a thriving group of friends, my filled calendar, and love.

Still, I suppose for those other things, we'll have to wait and see.

Until next time.

-Cindy