In which you go on as an understudy...

Hello everyone!

This past week (or I should say several weeks) were incredibly busy.  I was working nearly full time as a Standardized Patient at Temple Medical School as well as attending rehearsals and performances for A Little Night Music, seeing other theatre, and going to the gym as much as possible.  Yesterday was my first real day off so I took care of things I've put off like getting a hair cut.

This week in particular was stressful.  But the kind of stress that you hope for as an actor.  The woman I'm currently understudying, the incredible Karen Peakes, got a little sick and needed to go on vocal rest.

Let me set the scene.

So Tuesday night we had our final understudy rehearsal before our full understudy run on Thursday.  Earlier on Tuesday I saw on Karen's facebook that she wasn't feeling well and there were two shows set for Wednesday at 2pm and 6:30pm.  So I thought for good measure I would email the powers that be at The Arden and tell them that while Wednesday's matinee would be my only conflict because of work with Temple, if really need be I would get out of work and make myself available.

Good thing I did.  Later on Tuesday we decided that I was to come in at 9am on Wednesday for a costume fitting and if she was feeling alright for the matinee I would watch the matinee and hang out until I got the word for the evening performance.  I told my boss at Temple and she said it was totally fine and she congratulated me.  So off I went to the Arden Tuesday night for our understudy rehearsal and I slept relatively well until packing a bag for myself and catching a bus to The Arden.

My costume fitting was nerve wracking but fun.  Alison Roberts, the costume supervisor, was so friendly and conversational and made me feel right at home.  The costumes and shoes she pulled were gorgeous and fit me like a glove.  It was my first time really wearing an actual corset (and it was a joy to have my friend and colleague Meredith Boring backstage to lace me up).

So after the fitting I checked in with the assistant director, Sam Tower and we talked for a while about the character and how I can better tell her story.  I sat in The Arden's offices and tried to calm myself, having been on stand by for nearly 20 hours, not knowing definitely if I was going to go on.

Finally, I decided to sit outside and go over my lines and song.  The birds were chirping and it was beautiful outside.  Then around 10:45 I got the call from the stage manager, the lovely John Grassey, saying that it was official: I was going on at 2pm.

The official call.  After that I went backstage, sat on the floor, went over lines even more, and started to cover my tattoo.  I actually didn't really know what to do with myself with that time so having an activity like that was helpful.

About a half hour before "half hour" (the official call time for the actors) we had a "put in" rehearsal.  The cast was amazing.  They all checked in with me and said that if I had any questions or any concerns they would make themselves available.  Ben Dibble, who played my husband Carl-Magnus, took the reigns on the dancing and was SO HELPFUL.  He made me laugh but made sure to let me know that he was there for me.  Everyone did.  I felt like I was walking on air.  Chris Mullen (who plays Fredrik) took me through step by step of our little waltz we do at dinner and he said "we finally get to share the stage with each other".  I was enthralled.  We went through a few scenes with the time we had (which was 30 minutes) and then I was off to get make-up and costumes on (in which I discovered the beautiful Alex Keiper bought me a tasty good luck doughnut!).  There wasn't any time to collect myself so....

...THANK GOD I WAS PREPARED.  We hadn't had the full understudy run yet.  I know my lines verbatim.  My blocking was pretty solid as well.  And what my character was doing was mostly there, though I must admit  I discovered so much on stage.

I was most nervous about the dancing and the singing.  Mostly because it was the first time I had done anything with the full orchestra.  The first time I ran "Every Day A Little Death" with an instrument other than piano was the 2pm matinee.  Yes.  It was terrifying.

What was nice about being prepared was that I met my personal goal.  If I was to go on stage I wanted to go in confident and make sure that no one worried about me.  I wanted to allay the fears as much as possible and with my confidence say "I got this.  No worries".  I also didn't have to worry about what my next line was.  I was in the scenes.  Fully.  It was so fulfilling.

One funny thing that I discovered while on stage were the scenes that we hadn't gone over.  While we were doing them I thought to myself, Oh my gosh...we NEVER went over this in understudy rehearsal. Including the long (and I mean long) kiss at the end of the show.  That just had to do with actor availability.

I did wind up going on for the 6:30pm show as well.  I had so much fun.  It was surreal and exhilarating.  I was up there on The Arden stage.  With my teacher from undergrad, Grace Gonglewski (who plays Desiree) up there with me.  I even got to look her in the eyes during the dinner scene and say "Dearest Miss Armfeldt, do regale us with more fascinating reminiscences from your remote youth".  It was a blast and I couldn't have asked for a better experience.

Ed was able to see the 2pm matinee and afterwards he went downstairs to the greenroom with me and Terry Nolan, the director, was there and he gave me the biggest hug.  I was near tears.  I'm so happy with my experience.

The 6:30 show was completely different, in that the actors backstage were carrying on like it was a normal show.  I'm sure that the first understudy brings on a bit of anxiety, especially since they really had no gauge of how I was going to do.  But the evening performance was deeper for me.  I wasn't nearly as nervous (though the song was still nerve wracking) and I felt so much more "in it".

This was the sign in board backstage.  The question of the day was "How great will Cindy be today?". Of course everyone was so nice (except JAKE BLOUCH!)

My costume for Act I

Grace and I in our dinner attire

Thursday's understudy run went swimmingly.  Everyone did a great job!  A bunch of the cast was there  and Sam and Terry were as well.  Karen was feeling better by Thursday and she went on for that performance.  I'm glad she's feeling better.  Honestly I wouldn't be nearly as deep into the character if I hadn't watched her discover and grow with it over the past month.  She's so talented and I could only hope as an understudy to bring to the character what she brings with such precision and ease.

After our understudy run, when I got the official call that I wouldn't be going on, I went home and slept for 16 hours.  I guess running on pure adrenaline for a 48 hour period will do that to you.

Thank you, Arden Theatre, for giving me the experience of a lifetime.

Until next time, 

-Cindy

A Weekend in the Country...

Hello All!

The past few weeks have been very very busy.  Good busy.  I've been working as an SP at Temple Medical School during the day, going to the gym, then doing something in the evening, usually going to The Arden to see a run through of A Little Night Music, or working on that, or seeing a show.  I haven't had time to post much recently so I'm sorry if I've neglected this little blog.  But I have updates.

A Little Night Music is a charming and romantic musical that just went into previews at The Arden Theatre Co. in Philadelphia.  I was asked to understudy the role of Charlotte, who is played by Karen Peakes (who, by the way, is fantastic in the show).  The experience of being an understudy is unlike anything I've done in my life.  Or, I should day, being an understudy who is actually doing what they are supposed to do is unlike anything I've ever done.

See, I was supposed to understudy Ado Annie in my high school production of Oklahoma but I didn't take it seriously.  I had a scare where the girl who played Ado Annie (Courtney Starr Pezola, who again, was amazing) came late to school after their senior year class trip and almost didn't make it in time for her to be considered "present at school", which was, I believe 10:10am.  That would mean that the performance that night would have had to be me, little unprepared me, because she wouldn't have been allowed to perform that night if she had been considered absent that day.  I remember very vividly watching the street outside waiting to see her car drive down Loch Alsh Ave and turn into the high school parking lot.  Long story short she got there with about 10 minutes to spare and she went on.  When I saw her later that day I hugged her and said to myself "I'm never putting myself in this position again."  Thusly, I have been treating this whole opportunity very differently.

It's a treat to work on a musical of this size and caliber.  Just being in the rehearsal space with everyone was like feeling electricity pop all around you.  Actors are making strong, bold choices with extraordinary voices (one of whom, Teri Bibb, played Christine on Broadway in Phantom of the Opera!).  Terry Nolan, the director as well as Artistic Director at The Arden, is a very precise and caring director, he seems like a really great leader.  He was always honest with the cast but never condescending.  In fact he was always really complimentary and would say things like, "That was really great, you lovely lovely group of people".  Everyone working on the piece is really talented people, it has turned out to be a gorgeous piece of theatre.  Watching it grow has been a delight.

Yesterday was my first understudy rehearsal and it went well.  Of course there is always work to do but I felt very prepared and ready to work.  Though I never feel truly totally prepared, especially when I'm on my feet on stage for the first time, so when I was finished with my scene I was a disappointed in myself, constantly thinking about how I can do more work.  Sam Tower, the assistant director, gave me great direction and I was happy to hear how I can make this character more on point.

There are, I feel, a lot of things you need to balance while you're working as an understudy.  I had to call the actor's hotline every day to hear if my character was called at rehearsal the next day (which honestly was kind of a thrilling experience for me.  I get to call...a hotline?  It felt so old school and all..."actory" to me.  Anyway, I got a kick out of it).  I had to decide how often to go to rehearsals, not just depending on when my character was called, but also if I had conflicts like working, and also I didn't want to be there all the time.  I was there as often as I needed to be, I didn't want to overwhelm them with my presence.  I tried to show up to rehearsal 1-2 times a week, so that I really did see it grow and change, I became more and more comfortable with the show.   It was also good to be there just to show my face and get to know people I didn't know before.  When I would decide to not go to rehearsal I spent a lot of time working on lines and singing the songs to get them down and sounding alright.  I met with my sister and she helped me plunk out the songs on her piano.  Ed's been helping me with lines and my intentions.  And I've been drilling and drilling until I get closer and closer to cold on the part and the lines.

The idea of going on, IF that happens, is all at once exciting and terrifying.  But I'm trying not to focus on that.  I'm trying to get my work done so that if it does happen I can walk in and be confident, precise, honest...and just simply tell the story.

I'm going to see another preview tonight so we'll see how it's changed since the dress rehearsal I saw on Tuesday.  I am still struggling with the switches in intention.  I can get cerebral in my acting and sometimes I just need to accept that thoughts come and go and sometimes we say things when we aren't thinking, or when we are angry, or happy.  That a character, if written well, speaks exactly how they are.  I don't need to "act" it, it's all within the dialogue.  I just need to be it and live in it.  Which, as a lot of actors know, dangling off that cliff and allowing yourself to risk and possibly fail, is a very scary and sometimes petrifying place to hang out.  But that's my goal.  I'm going to listen and not focus on my line.  I'm going to focus on being.

What's cool is that there is an understudy run during the day in early June.  So I need to know my character cold by that point at least!  I don't know all the details as of yet but once I know I'll post them on this blog and my website.

Well I have a lot of housekeeping things I need to take care of, that I've severely neglected over the past few weeks.  So I must get on that before hitting the gym and going to The Arden tonight!

Be well, and if you haven't seen "Failure: A Love Story" by Azuka Theatre Co in Philadelphia, you need to try and get to see it.  Show tonight at 8pm and tomorrow at 2pm.  It was a very emotional experience for me, but that's part of why we do this.

Until next time...

-Cindy

Back in the Saddle Again...

Greetings, All!

I have a lot of really exciting news to share with you.  Things have been going well for me since coming back from my amazing and life changing cross country trip...

Grand Canyon!

So, officially, as of Thursday, I have signed the paperwork to become an Equity Membership Candidate!  This is a really exciting step to be taking.  While I was signing the paperwork I had to pause and take in the moment.  I have been working towards this for five years and now finally I have Equity points.  I celebrated with a piece of chocolate.

The reason I actually now have the points is because I'm understudying the lovely and talented Karen Peakes in the upcoming A Little Night Music at The Arden Theatre for the role of Charlotte.  Tonight I'm going to a stumble through of their Act I, and pretty much anytime I have free time available I'll be at their rehearsals.  Musicals can be deceptively difficult and tedious work.  I feel like no matter how much you prepare, you finish one thing, turn around and there's still a million things to do.  But I suppose that's the wonder of musicals, to make it look easy.

This past week since getting back I started doing a 30 smoothie challenge from Simple Green Smoothies and I cannot tell you how amazing I have been feeling!  More energy, I feel full longer, and I am fortifying my body with delicious nutrients from fruits and veggies, something I was severely lacking.  I have also challenged myself along with that to exercise everyday except Sundays (my day of rest).  Within this week I already feel like my life has changed.  Seriously, I think everyone should try to do the upcoming 30 day challenge in June.  Their smoothies taste amazing.

Also this week I was doing a mini school tour with BCKSEET Productions.  Every year they get a grant and put together a program called "Class Act" in which they use professional actors and bring plays to schools.  We did an all-women cast version of Julius Caesar and I had the magnificent opportunity to play Mark Antony.  It has reignited my love for that play.  Or I should say it has simply ignited it.  I read it out loud my sophomore year of high school and I remember watching a dour version of it in class as well.  I remember Portia's scenes were dimly lit and it was pretty boring.

JULIUS CAESAR ROCKS!  What a PLAY!  The Language!  Wow.  "Until then, think of the world."  That was the line while re-reading it this time around really snagged me.  I guess since my bad experience in high school I was turned off by it, but now that I am really proficient with the language of Shakespeare in general I am able to appreciate it more.  It was also helpful to hear it read out loud by amazingly talented actresses (Sarah Doherty, Catherine Palfeiner, Kate Brennan, Sarah Schol, Amy Hume, Mary Lee Bednarek, Jennifer Summerfield) and not high schoolers who stop at the end of every line.  It again reminded me of how much I love this community here.

Today I go back to rehearse with BCKSEET for a reading of a play called Bullyrag by Molly Lang.  This is sponsored in part by the Ani Fund, and part of that goes towards a scholarship through BCKSEET that goes directly to young artists.  It's inspiring to see artists my age doing such thoughtful and innovative work.  The reading is happening May 12th at 5pm at The Adrienne Theatre.

That's about it for now.  Ed and I are gearing up for summer camp and we are very excited!  Looking forward to another awesome summer with awesome kids.  They always teach me something.

Be well, world and until next time...

-Cindy

Road Trippin...

Hello all!

Just a quick update to let you know what's going on with me!  The past week my boyfriend and I road tripped across the USA to our final stop in LA where we've spent the past two days and we have two more days to hang out here before we head back to Philadelphia.  It's been nice to hit the reset button and I have seen and experienced so many new and wonderful things since being on my trip.

I saw the Grand Canyon, Zion National Park, went back to Hagafen Winery in Napa, saw my friend Chris in San Francisco, went camping in Arkansas, ate delicious food in Oklahoma City and Nashville, went to a spin and yoga class here in LA...the list goes on and on.  I have had an amazing journey.  When I get back to Philly, it's back in the saddle and pounding that pavement.  But I definitely needed to step back and smell the roses a bit.

We must do what we want to do with our lives.  I want to travel.  And I mean travel everywhere.  I've seen so much but there is still so much more I want to see.  And there are places I want to go back to.  But you know, this experience has taught me that with patience and planning, anything is possible.  If you want to drive across the country, you can figure it out and you can do it.  I guess that also applies to everything in life as well.

When I'm back in Philly I'm jumping right into rehearsal for an all woman-cast reading of Julius Caesar and I have an audition among some opening nights and such.  I'm also going to start a 30 day green smoothie challenge to again hit that reset button and push myself.  I haven't given my career or my life my all yet.  I'm ready to do that.

Tomorrow I'm shooting a potential commercial for a weed killer with Ed and his friend Jhon.  And then we're gonna see The Walk of Fame and the Chinese Theatre a bit more closely.  And the beach.  We cannot forget the beach.

I'll post choice photos of the trip when I get back into town.

Cheers

-Cindy

Do Not Say "I Know"...

Where do I begin with my 5 day experience with Jean Rene?

Let me start with this: The Primitive Voice.

So The Wilma Theatre asked me to do a 5 day workshop with Jean Rene Toussaint, Blanka Zizka, and Paula Vogel.  That's right.  All those awesome, inspiring people plus more in one room for five days.  Of course I jumped at the opportunity and stripped my schedule of as many conflicts as possible.

Five days.  9-5.  Hardcore voice, physical, and emotional work.  Bring it.

His workshop has transformed me, as a human and actor.  I was given license to immerse my whole being into exercises that opened my imagination and allowed me to "go there" without ever caring about what other people were thinking.  Because everyone else in the room "goes there" too.  I found that by the end of the workshop many of my inhibitions had simply gone away.

By the end of the workshop, I felt like I could do anything.

I fell face first into people's arms from 5 feet in the air.  I explored asymmetry in my body.  I know what it means to release and unlock where I hold tension in my body.  I gazed deeply into the eyes of a friend and lived out stories. I inhaled my boyfriend's spirit and recognized him as one does with a mirror.  I created language and communicated.  I dared myself to rely on the hands and support of others.

This blog post is titled what it is because of a truth that Jean Rene said.  Many people, Americans especially, have a tendency to say "I know" as soon as someone says something true about them.  It is a way of staving off vulnerability and to not actually listen and allow yourself to hear what that person is saying.  He also mentioned we say "interesting" a lot as well, even when we don't find it all that interesting.

I know (see what I did there?) that I definitely do that.  When he would come up to me and tell me something about the way I move or the way that I'm holding back my voice I would initially feel defensive.  But I would take his advice for the next exercise and my work always grew.  I GREW in ways that I never thought I could grow.  I heard sounds coming out of body that, when he gave me the slightest adjustment, would in an instant change and become deeper.  Often I would be touched inside and an unknown emotion would spurt out of me.  It was really incredible to experience.

That's the other aspect of the workshop.  It was simply about experience.  It wasn't about manufacturing sound or movement, it was about allowing it to grow and become organically.  It was about being.  Nothing felt rushed about any of the exercises because he knew what it took.  Did I mention he's been doing this for 30 years?  Yeah he knows what he's doing.

Of course it's impossible for me to completely sum up my whole adventure for you and there are a lot of experiences I had that I don't want to share.  Because they are mine and they are precious to me,  to that room, and to that group of people.  But I would say that even if you aren't a theatre artist, if you have an opportunity, take a workshop and open yourself up to possibility within.  You are more powerful than you ever could have imagined.

Till next time...

-Cindy

Working working working...

WOW I have so any things to share!

I'll get the muck out of the way, grad school 2013 is a no go.  But it's okay.  I've learned so much from that experience that I couldn't have learned otherwise.  Going through it all was essential for the reawakening of my artistry.  And I am a better actor and person for it.  Go me.

This reminds me of when I was in high school and we went to see Thoroughly Modern Millie on Broadway with my theatre class (yes I had a theatre AND theatre II class in high school).  We met the actress who at the time was basically the perpetual understudy for Sutton Foster.  Not only had this woman understudied her in TMM, but also Little Women and....there was another show that was Off-Broadway that of course now I can't recall what it was.  Anyway, we did a workshop with this woman and she said, and I'll never forget it, "You have to be your own cheerleader at times".  So true.  Other people will bring you up and give you great feedback and make you feel great, but it's YOU who carries on.  No one can do that for you.

Since grad school "shopping" as I'll call it, SO many wonderful things have happened in my life.  I've been making money (YAY!) doing a lot of SP work which is great because the hours aren't all that hellish and I can pay my bills and even save a little money.

About a month ago I was in a bad place.  Very pessimistic, I did not like what I was becoming.  So I decided to help myself.  I went on Backstage.com and looked up studios that hold classes, workshops, whatever.  I looked for about two solid hours at different studios, a lot of which piqued my interest.  But there was one, The John DeSotelle studio that was holding a "Biz of the Biz" workshop with a woman named Mari Lyn Henry who wrote the book "How To Be A Working Actor".  The workshop, which was totally affordable, covered simple things like the cover letter, resume organizing, headshots, budgeting, interviews, clothing, etc.  I decided that was the best way to get back into it.  Some refreshing needed to be done.  So I signed up.

Then it was serendipity because I also wound up getting two auditions that weekend as well.  Then with the free time I had I rented a studio at Ripley Grier for two hours and worked on pieces and my Brat Shit Crazy piece (I'll get into that in a minute).  It was a wonderful NYC experience.

So the workshop.  First off let me just say that Mari Lyn Henry is a lovely person.  Her criticisms come from love.  She wants people to succeed.  Never was she nasty, but she was honest.  She holds herself in high regard and I felt that I should begin doing the same.  The workshop also wasn't a "BUY MY BOOK" type of thing, it was her trying to help poor young actors at John's studio find a way.  Oh, but I am buying her book.

Mari Lyn worked at ABC in casting for close to 15 years and she's done casting, image and career counseling for close to 25 years.  So I trusted what she had to say.  While I thought some of her ideas sounded old fashioned, she wouldn't say them unless they were tried and true.  Which they are.  So I stand corrected.

Mari Lyn's Website

I think my favorite part of the workshop was having our outfit critiqued.  While it felt like the 7th circle of hell standing in front of everyone and having them look at me, I am forever grateful to her for waking me up and getting me to realize what my body shape truly is and how I can better dress it.  She believes in simplicity.

We did color testing with colored fabric and I realized what my ideal colors are for dresses and shirts.  What an eye opening experience that was!  I think I've always been a little self conscious about my body so I've always worn black.  Well not anymore, sister!  This girl is wearing colors from here on out!  Pinks, blues, greens, jewel tones.  I can't wait to get myself a new little wardrobe.

Basically, I needed a career and image overhaul and I got one.  I also made new connections with Mari Lyn and also John DeSotelle who is a teacher of Meisner Technique and seemed interested in having me check out his classes.  Now the next step is figuring out how to move forward.

John DeSotelle Studio

The auditions went very well.  I found out I didn't get one of them but something interesting happened when I found out: I didn't cry or feel horrible about myself.  Because I was doing other things to help my career and I was forward thinking, while it sucks to not get a job I didn't feel like I was starting from zero.  It was like an existential experience for me.

I also just finished working on Brat. Shit. Crazy. II at the Trestle Inn.  Basically it's a night of raw, new work and after it's presented the audience gets asked for feedback in between each act.  Tonight was the second night and for some reason I was more nervous than last night.  It may have been because two of my best friends, Sarah Schol and Jeremy Gable were in the audience.  But the performance was really great and I definitely think that now it has a life ahead of it.  I will draw upon some of my greatest inspirations: People and experiences that I love.

Let's see, what else.  Oh!  I've been asked to participate in a workshop at a theatre company here in town (I don't know if I am able to post details about it until afterwards) but it's a vocal workshop with some very important people and I am just thrilled and cannot wait to dive in.  I'm also doing a play workshop out in the 'burbs (again not sure about sharing at this point), but I'll keep you updated.  Possible play reading casting on the horizon as well.

 The gym and I are still friends, Eddy and I are getting ready to go away for a bit in April (cross country!  what WHAT!), and I've been cooking more.  So all wonderful things going on in my life.

I love you all and I'll update soon.

xo

-C

What's In A Name?

Really quick update before I go to work...

So I've been stuck in this no cast zone for a while now, sometimes I find it hard to get a callback.  Recently I've received what feels like a gazillion rejection emails (...really it's been about 6) and it's gotten me thinking...

What qualifies me as a "working actor"?

For the longest time, as long as I can remember since deciding to go for this business, I threw off the idea of classes, readings, auditions for the sake of auditions, coaching, creating my own work, writing, reading...

WHY!?  How dumb can a twenty-something BE!?

Well, I've learned my lesson the hard way.  I'm rusty and not as connected as I'd like to be.  I'm going to change my mantra.  It's about the craft, my art.  It's not about getting cast (though that certainly is a nice feeling when it happens) it's about the work, the creation, the imagination.  So now I ask the question, how do I become the artist that I want to be?

First, I am going to create my own work.  I am presenting a small piece with Brat Shit Crazy II in two weeks and we'll see what happens from there.  I'll be posting more information about that on my website (www.cindyspitko.com)

I think I've been afraid, scared to truly put myself out there.  I had someone tell me once that I was afraid of my own power.  It's time to own my power, put on my thinking cap and dancing shoes, and let's get to work.  I am open and available for new classes, new ideas, and new ways of thinking.

Let's go.

-Cindy